Emergence in Systems, or the Crisis that Heals
I’m spending my summer hot, dusty, sweaty, and covered in things I don’t even want to imagine. And cursing. Lots of cursing. You see, I’m trying to help my parents clear out some of the “stuff” they have accumulated after a 52-year marriage, a ranch, teaching, and a rural veterinary practice. Thus far, I’ve rehomed 45 years of equine veterinary magazines, and I still have more to go. There are old textbooks, slide collections, bones, hats, journals, equipment, stories, tools, mementos, pictures, cards, photo albums, clothes, decor, and still boxes to be opened. There are barns, trailers, and places I probably don’t even want to think about. It’s a cruel, cruel summer.
Now might be a good time to mention that my dad was a veterinarian for over 40 years. He practiced in rural Montana, serving three counties and as many states. That meant that he saw a bit of everything: horses, dogs, cats, cattle, swans, elk, bison, large game cats from Zoo Montana. He still does a bit of consulting work, serves as a veterinarian for endurance rides, plus takes care of the horses, cattle, and dogs that he and mum still have. And when he isn’t a veterinarian, he ranches, keeping a close eye on his hay fields and rain clouds.
You’re starting to understand the cursing now, aren’t you.
When I’m honest with myself, I’m angry and resentful over having to do this work. For the past decade, I’ve been asking my parents to go through their “collections,” but to no avail. They always chuckle and agree that it needs to be done, but something else always comes first. My parents are unhappy with this summer’s purging activities, especially my father. He feels that I’m throwing away his life, and I’m unhappy that thus far, they tell me that they won’t leave me this to clean up but haven’t really done anything about the problem. We’re both digging in our heels. And this leads me to the question I’m grappling with:
What is happening in my system?
STATE OF EMERGENCE
It has been a big summer for change. Between memorial services and funerals for friends’ parents (not enjoyable events but I do believe in showing up for people that I love) and landmark rulings from the United States Supreme Court that have left me raw and shaken, I no longer know which end is up for me. Considering everything that is happening in the world, I want to do some in-depth thinking on another ORSC principle:
Relationship systems are in a constant state of emergence.
Have you ever heard the saying, “The only thing constant is change?” That applies here. Change is constant, and for many people, change can be exhausting. We’ve seen that proven time and again with teachers, health-care workers, those on the front line of any shift. Returning to my family, as family roles and dynamics begin to shift, I have to ask myself what is emerging?
From my side, frustration, futility, and anger are emerging—and quickly. I’m trying to help my dad do something big, something overwhelming, so why is he not being more helpful? Because for him, resentment is bubbling up, or at least I think that it is. He is resentful because he sees removing what he treasured. He’s angry because he sees me not valuing things that were once invaluable to him. For both of us, underneath all of this is fear, knowing that sooner rather than later, we’ll have to say goodbye to one another. Dad is facing his mortality, and I’m facing the loss of a beloved parent, someone so dear to me that I once became a vet clinic. We are not angry with one another so much as sad about what is yet to come.
So, where do we go from here? How can we work with, not against, what is changing in a system?
THE HEALING CRISIS
Just like people, systems experience shocks, and those shocks are sometimes traumatic. Systemic shocks are necessary, perhaps I might even say healthy. Without them, systems become stagnant and begin to calcify. But with shocks, those healing crises, systems can remain intelligent, generative, and creative.
The shock to this particular system was my mandate that we do this work, that we not put it off. That was…unexpected. Both of my parents kept thinking, “I’ll get to that later.” The second shock, however, was just how Herculean a task this truly is. I’ll spend the bulk of my summer doing this work. The third shock was how much it hurt to do. I tend to view cleaning as an awful but necessary chore. Once complete, I can breathe so much easier and have lightness and freedom. For my dad, it’s been the opposite. He’s seeing that not everyone values what he values. He is also beginning to see just HOW MUCH STUFF he truly has. He’s seeing, or at least I hope that he is, that this task doesn’t define who we are as a family.
As systems coaches, we best serve our systems by helping them to collaborate and create from change, not simply react to what happened. When working with Agile teams, we (okay, I) often use the phrase, “Respond, not react.” Rather than reacting to this task with anger and frustration, how can I respond? How can I breath patience into this space and help us all to find our way forward?
THE EMOTIONAL FIELD: QUESTIONS TO ASK AND TO USE
Each and every system has an emotional field, or the relationship created by the emotions present in the system. As coaches or systems workers, we need to pay extra attention to the emotional field of the system as we work with emergence. Questions, particularly transformational, clean questions, are an inexhaustible supply of magic in working with systems (J. K. Rowling, sort of). They can help us to do this work. Here are some for you to try when working with a system’s emotional field.
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What is emerging?
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What is making itself known?
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What is coming forward?
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What is fading?
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How can we acknowledge what is here?
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What needs to be released?
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What does this system (relationship, partnership, space) need?
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What is opening? (Or, what are you open to?)
Questions such as those not only work with the system’s emotional field, it helps the system to become more aware of what is struggling to emerge. With generous space and a centered, stable coach, what was volatile and unsafe becomes a place reflection, introspection, and curiosity.
Once I got out of my own head and began to truly stand in what this must be like for my father, things eased between us. I could begin to feel how difficult it was to do this work. By even considering letting go of his magazines and texts and slides, he was letting go of how added value to his community. He was letting go of who he was, how he was seen, how he was known. Without those anchors, he felt unmoored, a feeling I truly understand. So, how do we go forward from here?
THE EMILY DICKINSON PERSPECTIVE
I’ve had a one-sided affair with Emily Dickinson’s poetry since university. Her poem 466 is aptly titled “I dwell in possibility,” and it is one that I have read and re-read over the years. Its opening line, “I dwell in possibility,” places me in a resilient, reflective space and encourages me to stand in this question when coaching a system.
What is possible from here?
From here, a system can collaborate, create, dream up new possibilities for itself. The system is generative and creative, and as new emotions burble up and make themselves known, new possibilities begin to appear. My friend and colleague Dino Zafirakos said this: ”We cannot hold the truth, we can only hold a truth, so how can we possibly know what is good and what is bad?” He is right: we cannot know; however, we can stand in possibility.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
I started writing this post quite late in June, around the summer solstice, to be exact. These posts generally take quite a bit of effort when you consider not that they are not just writing, but graphics and images and Mural boards and sometimes exercises and facilitation plans and often more. In truth, however, I’ve been writing this sitting with this topic and what I wanted to say for quite some time. Obviously, it is more personal than any of my previous posts, making it easier for me to ask this question:
How do I love and serve the person in front of me?
As a daughter, this is where I am trying to be as I am both in this family system and watching myself coach its relationships. I love my father wherever he is at, regardless of how difficult it is to wade through a lifetime of things. My love is its own act of service.
GRATITUDE AND CLOSING NOTES
I would not be where I am today on this topic without the support of these people.
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My thinking and writing this month were greatly influenced by conversations with Jeffrey Morgan. He and I talked through this concept a great deal, and the credit for “How do I love and serve the person (system) in front of me?” belongs to him. He has been a marvelous thought partner, and I look forward to every one of our far-ranging conversations.
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Marita Fridjhon, author of Creating Intelligent Teams and the CEO of CRR Global (the company that created the Organizational, Relationship, and Systems Coaching series), has always been supportive of my writing, generous with her ongoing feedback, and encouragement.
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Dino Zafirakos and Gaby Aragon have my ongoing gratitude for open-hearted conversations, collaborative ideas, and their generous practices in serving the systems with which we work.
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Heather Foster of Star Street Creative created the visuals for this month’s work. (Heather made that fantastic icon of me you see on the accompanying Mural board–it even includes my necklace! And glasses! And she dresses like me!) I’m good with words, but she helps me to think clearly and creatively about what I want to do with my work. She creates visual resonance and helps me to share it with others.
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As they are every month, the image used for this blog post was captured by Linda Nickell. Connect with her on Instagram as @coznlinda, or join in on Wednesday evenings for her Happiness Hour. Details, upcoming presentations, and links to past recordings can be found on her site. You can also find her on YouTube.
Lastly, you might remember that I’m trying something new this year: setting themes for each month as I work through various aspects of coaching. These themes will generally include a blog post, facilitation and teaching plans, learning outcomes, practice exercises, a Mural board image, graphics, and questions that I work with while coaching. Some months might be richer than others, but the intent is to produce monthly content that will help other coaches to deepen their own systems’ work. This month, you’ll find a PDF of a Mural board on this concept and some graphics related to this work and to help you work with emergence in a system. To receive access to this material, subscribe to this site.